Archive for the ‘ Dream ’ Category

Had an excellent evening in Brussels Belgium

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I’m pretty proud of myself today

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Why do we write?

Why do we write?  Why do we care?  My life and my goals are always present but at times I don’t know how to reconcile the two.  Those I hold close go away and those who I tell myself cares about me are liars just as I am a liar.  The need is always present, for me to rescue, for me to save, to make this a better place for anyone but myself.

It is odd how just a few life events can shape an entire existence.  How they can determine my choices, both good and bad.  The light brings all my discretions to air, brings them about for others to see, for them to judge.  You may ask what my preoccupation with justice is, why I care, and yet I judge myself so harshly.  It is to the point that those who once cared about me can even use my own sense of justice against me.  I become a target for those who want to lash out, for those who want to hurt, and I absorb this and allow it inside my head.  These thoughts are as welcome as my own self-doubt, my indiscretions as a father, as a lover, as a soul.

Part of me wants to go back, to go to whichever war needs fighting, and to lose myself in the destruction, perhaps over there I can save someone, for I am already lost.  My soul is the one untouchable thing that I cannot destroy, it can be cracked and torn, filthy and unwanted by all around, but it is something that nobody can take from me.  My only true possessions are the thoughts in my head and my soul.  I’m good at finding things, at breaking things, and at learning.  My skillset travels with me as I journey through this life.  My goals are still unmet and I will not leave this earth without reaching at least part of those, if not all.

As I was saying before, like others, my life is shaped by a few events which have affected me, events that I want to control and which end up controlling me in their own way.  I want to be loved and to love, to have life and to live.  I will find these things eventually and perhaps someday it will be said that I was a good father, if nothing else in this life I want that…

My dream

Had a dream. It was some kind of horror story. There were three characters that were good and three that were bad.  The main bad guy was like this hunchback in a tight trench coat and a big set of keys on a key ring, he also had a top hat.  The main good guy thought that they were prepared to face the bad guys.  The main good guy had a girl with him and a disabled guy with them as well.  For some reason they were running from the bad guys.  As the good guys open this door the bad guys just overtake the good ones.  The girl gets bitten by the hunchback and her teeth fall out and he (the hunchback) puts them back in her.  She is now under his control.  The good guy gets his whole hand bitten off by the girl. It is now mangled and gone.  A 4th guy gets destroyed as well. The mentally ill man gets his foot mangled and the bad guys take off.  They leave in a carriage.  The good are left behind.  They try to find help in the town they are left in.  They don’t know where to go so they look for help and decide to follow after the carriage to see if there is any way to help the girl who is captive and under the bad man’s control.