Lessons from my mother


I don’t know where to begin.  I feel partly lost, partly sad, and also committed.  Looking back on my life I can see clearly that I do not trust others to catch me when I am hurting or hold me when I need support.  I have learned over the years that you can’t trust someone to do that for you, the time when you need it they will be too busy, won’t care, or will simply let you down.  The only person you can trust is yourself.  I learned this lesson at a very young age from my mother.  I can’t say that she never taught me anything; she taught me how to survive in a very cruel world, taught me that nobody will protect you.

I want to create a different legacy for my own children.  I won’t allow them to go through what I did, I will strive every day to show them what a caring parent is and how my kids should be treated and cared for.  I will protect them from the truly horrible things in this world but will allow them to learn to deal with the small injustices now to prepare them for the larger unfairness of life.  If by allowing my son and daughter to realize that homework is hard or that you don’t always get what you want, or to struggle to save and work for something you really want they will later be better equipped to deal with those problems on a larger scale (how to cope in a work environment, saving for what you want instead of instant gratification, dealing with a hard breakup, etc).

But for me that message seems ingrained.  It impacts my personal relationships, I stay behind the walls of my heart because those I love and those I have loved have always let me down.  I hope that in my life I can teach my children a different lesson than the harsh one my mother taught me.  I am a survivor, I will make it, but as for my children, they won’t merely survive I hope that I can allow them to thrive and to feel without having to guard their hearts.

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  • Comments (3)
    • D
    • February 6th, 2010

    Your story is exactly the opposite of mine. My parents taught me nothing but tust and the expectation of support and I let down the people who loved me because I didn’t understand that I was taking advantage of their love . It is interesting because I want the same things as you for my future children, this is something I think about often, but it scares me to no end that I will not prepare them adequately.

    • Sheray
    • February 6th, 2010

    I am the same, but different. I an a true survivor as well, always on my own, and teaching my son to be able to trust ME, that it IS a hard life and that you have to work for what you want. But unlike you, I trust EVERYONE, and you see where I have been walked on and taken advantage of. As far as my heart, I guard it VERY closely with “love”, and therefore pretty much know that I will always be alone in this life because of that. Sometimes I am ok with that, sometimes I am just lonely.

    • Kansas Nana
    • February 7th, 2010

    Nevadog — I copied your words above & emailed them to a special group of mothers who all are my dear friends. I hope it will make a difference in other lives as they pass it on to their adult children. I’m quite sure you’ll be in their prayers as well as mine. Sending you motherly love, encouragement & blessings from me.

    The words below are from one of the milbloggers I regularly read. I think it speaks for itself, sadly. It has absolutely nothing to do with the military. I’m so touched by it that I wanted to share it. Parenthood, & especially motherhood, is so powerful — either sadly or happily. This young man, a young Iraq veteran recently divorced, is in my prayers — & maybe he will be in yours, too.
    Blessings,
    Angie

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