Thoughts within my head…


The sorrow and emptiness at times have filled me up.  I didn’t know how to stop it.  Was there a drain or would I simply drown in all of it.  The whole mess of my memories, my shortcomings and my pain.  The next question was, how many others will my pain end up hurting as well?  Why does it have to be this way? What is normal?  How can I be normal?  When do I get to feel like everyone else does?  Fair?  I never expected fair, but how unfair can things be?  Do I need to be heartless like the others?  Can I make it and still keep my soul?  Those thoughts are in my head every day.  Every week. Every year.  Can I be normal?  Do I want to be normal?
How many of you go through life happy?  Why do we put so much emphasis on being happy?  I have been happy at times, will be happy at other times.  But it isn’t the norm to just go through life on some unfeeling level of happiness.  You are supposed to hurt, to feel pain and sorrow as well as anger, fear and, happiness.  Prozac isn’t a cure-all for the feelings we are SUPPOSED to have.  We all have our vices and mine are as personal as the next guy’s (or girl’s) but those things are part of us too aren’t they?  It is the hard questions that we forget to ask.  Forget?  Is it really that we forget or is it that we refrain to ask those questions?  Is it easier to just not know the answer to some of our troubles?  I think so but I have always been stubborn as well.  I can’t help but ask even if the answer will hurt.  Pain and I go way back.  Not necessarily the physical kind, but emotional pain?  Yeah, we are old friends.  Joy is a pal of mine as well, but she visits less often.  These are just a couple thoughts for the day…  Things that go through my head at times.  Not all the time mind you, but just those times of self reflection, when we let our guard down to allow what is inside to come out for a cup of tea before we once again lock it away for a rainy day…

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  • Comments (2)
  1. I think you are far stronger than for what you give yourself credit.

    • ginaskid
    • January 14th, 2010

     
    You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. Are you a product of your enviroment? I say no, you are effected by it yes, but the core of who you are is still intact. By disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, will lead you to more pride, greater self-esteem and personal satisfaction. That is also an important lesson your children can take from you, personal responsibility. You can’t change how others act towards you but you can change how you react to them and how you treat the people around you. 

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